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14Dec/060

2006 Spike TV VGAs lateblogging

I know, I know, I just said I have nothing more meaningful to say after covering these awards for three years, but I couldn’t help going out on my favorite event of the gaming media year (my favorite event to make fun of, that is). So as a way of passing the torch to Mr. Dormer, we decided to basically have a two hour live AIM bitch-session with the awards as a backdrop. Here’s the result, with some minor edits for clarity. Don’t understand what the hell we’re talking about? Watch along online and figure it out.

(Computer clock is roughly two minutes off from the broadcast)

(22:01:39) Kyle Orland: It’s about to start
(22:01:42) Dan Dormer: yup
(22:01:49) Kyle: Gee I wonder who will win
(22:01:52) Kyle: Oh wait, no I don’t
(22:01:55) Kyle: They already told us.
(22:02:06) Dan: It’s a clever marketing ploy.
(22:02:56) Kyle: So I hear they’re gonna have some sort of BioShock trailer tonight.
(22:03:01) Kyle: Beats Motley Crue.
(22:03:02) Dan: M-Rated game trailers?!
(22:03:06) Dan: Heaven forbid!
(22:03:24) Kyle: Y’know what else beats Motley Crue? Tenacious D!
(22:03:37) Dan: Tenacious D is a good choice, but they have better songs.
(22:03:50) Kyle: I do not know this song.
(22:04:02) Dan: If they can’t talk about cock pushups or say fuck fifty times, how good of a performance can it be?
(22:04:03) Kyle: and if I were flipping channels, I would not know this was game-related at all.
(22:04:26) Dan: Okay, they’re signing about metal, which relates to gaming how?
(22:04:29) Kyle: Your Tenacious D reference-dropping passes, but just barely
(22:04:36) Kyle: Y’know what you got? F+. CLICK!
(22:04:57) Dan: Hey, I’m just telling it like it is.
(22:04:59) Kyle: I could be playing Zelda right now…
(22:05:10) Dan: Okay, so three minutes in… would you know this is a Game Awards Show?
(22:05:19) Kyle: Nope.
(22:05:31) Dan: For all the average person knows, this could be a trailer for The Holiday.
(22:05:33) Kyle: What’s the over/under on the title of the show appearing?
(22:05:39) Kyle: I give it 5 more minutes.
(22:05:43) Dan: 2.
(22:05:52) Kyle: At this point two years ago they had awarded game of the year
(22:06:00) Kyle: This year they’ve awarded EVERYTHING!
(22:06:01) Dan: It’s a true evolution.
(22:06:03) Kyle: And there’s the title
(22:06:28) Kyle: There’s a Reno 911: Miami?
(22:06:36) Dan: Daniel Day Kim, Kurt Angle, Joe Rogan, and your boy X to the Zibit.
(22:06:42) Kyle: The World Premiere of Burning Crusade? Is it a movie?
(22:06:44) Dan: It’s an all-star cast!
(22:06:55) Kyle: maybe they meant a trailer for the game.
(22:07:05) Dan: I like how obviously fake the dollar bill is.
(22:07:12) Dan: “In our base killing dudes?”
(22:07:16) Kyle: The pink puffball from the commercials… I actually liked the commercials this year.
(22:07:25) Kyle: All your base. Topical! FOUR YEARS AGO!
(22:07:34) Dan: Sam-o-Vision!
(22:07:43) Dan: It’s like Halo!
(22:07:51) Kyle: BadassMeter, LOL
(22:07:59) Dan: Wait, PS3 line jokes? Come on.
(22:08:08) Kyle: At least it’s more recent than All Your Base
(22:08:27) Kyle: Yay for pedantic description of Okami!
(22:08:35) Dan: They’re making fun of Okami. 🙁
(22:08:48) Kyle: Are there interegations in GoW?
(22:08:52) Dan: That didn’t look anything like Marcus Phoenix.
(22:08:58) Dan: I didn’t think so.
(22:09:18) Kyle: Poop jokes: 1
22:09
(22:09:58) Kyle: They’re really stretching to fit Guitar Hero in with all these fantasy games
(22:10:11) Dan: Really, you think?
(22:10:26) Kyle: yes
(22:10:28) Kyle: yes I do
(22:10:55) Dan: Motherfucker: 2
(22:10:55) Kyle: Motherf***ers: 1
(22:11:01) Kyle: really?
(22:11:03) Dan: Nope, you missed one.
(22:11:04) Kyle: I missed one?
(22:11:06) Kyle: Whoops
(22:11:15) Dan: I didn’t know he was a gaming god.
(22:11:21) Kyle: Sammy stole the show last year with his acceptance speech.
(22:11:35) Kyle: My fiance just said: “Doesn’t he have a career?”
(22:11:56) Dan: Wait, how does Sam has a PS4? The PS3 is supposed to be future proof!
(22:12:07) Kyle: Vagina references: 1
(22:12:20) Dan: Masturbation references: 1
(22:12:39) Kyle: The trifecta: Poop, vaginas and masturbation, in the first 10 minutes!
(22:12:59) Dan: Ooo, hot coffee references.
(22:13:07) Kyle: Yes, Rockstar made a non-violent Ping Pong game… we know
(22:13:19) Kyle: Man, those audience members looked bemused
(22:14:01) Kyle: What the hell is going on?
(22:14:04) Dan: Motherfuckers: 3
(22:14:05) Kyle: MFs: 3
(22:14:11) Dan: They’re shattering stereotypes!
(22:14:17) Kyle: SHATTERING!
(22:14:25) Kyle: Not at all reinforcing!
(22:14:35) Dan: The “I’m gonna have sex with these guys tonight” girl is a slut.
(22:14:36) Kyle: The closed captioning got Cosplay as “‘’Cause play”
(22:14:47) Dan: She’s gonna sleep with three guys tonight!
(22:15:01) Kyle: And all of them are gamers. Lucky they don’t have the PS4
(22:15:15) Dan: 50 Cent: Paid way more than that to appear at the VGAs.
(22:15:40) Kyle: I am going to predict the future
(22:15:46) Dan: Really?!
(22:15:50) Dan: Tell me the winner!
(22:15:51) Kyle: Really
(22:15:51) Dan: Please!
(22:16:30) Kyle: Charlize Theron will win
(22:16:40) Dan: Pfft, no way you would know.
(22:17:26) Dan: Those statues look absolutely mantle worthy.
(22:17:31) Kyle: Whoops, that was last year =P
(22:17:47) Dan: Happy Holidays? Way to be super PC.
(22:17:55) Kyle: I’m predicting the past.
(22:18:15) Kyle: Boners: 1
(22:18:19) Dan: Ha. Ha. Stewie said WoW nerds were going to get boners.
(22:18:37) Dan: So, commercial break — still think the show is a slap in the face to gamers?
(22:18:55) Kyle: Eh, the Sam L. Jackson-perspective game was kind of amusing
(22:19:22) Kyle: But overall it seems even less respectful than last year
(22:19:26) Dan: I’m looking forward to the Sam Jackson Hot Coffee mod.
(22:19:45) Kyle: Going out of its way to show how OK it is to be a gamer… it’s almost more demeaning
(22:21:00) Kyle: Is watching this show worth a chance to win a Pontiac G5 GT?
(22:21:07) Kyle: I’d say barely.
(22:21:50) Kyle: Looks like the simulcast on SpikeTV.com is a little ahead of my cable provider.
(22:22:20) Kyle: Seems that WoW, BioShock and Ghost Recon 2 all “premiere” at midnight.
(22:22:27) Kyle: And we lost Dan
(22:23:35) Kyle: Guess I’m on my own for now
(22:23:56) Kyle: Nice of them to apologize for movies they never made. Mortal Kombat was kind of decent!
(22:25:28) Kyle: Wow, three crime games.
(22:25:35) Kyle: All of which were not very good.
(22:25:47) Kyle: At least Lego Star Wars wins… quality game
(22:26:07) Kyle: Whoa, an actual guy from the game industry. And he looks halfway respectable
(22:26:35) Kyle: He’s back!
(22:26:49) Dan: What you missed — Did he say he loved the smell of news in the evening?
Hey, an apology for movies based on games!
For Street Fighter, Alone in the Dark, Mortal Kombat, Super Mario Bros., House of the Dead, and Mortal Kombat 2!
Hollywood cares about and feels sorry for defecating over games with crappy movies!
(22:26:52) Kyle: Wow, he doesn’t even have an accent
(22:27:11) Dan: Exclusive clip
(22:27:19) Kyle: I guess it’s only online at midnight
(22:27:31) Kyle: “Science couldn’t be stopped”
(22:27:37) Kyle: I couldn’t make up a line like that
(22:27:59) Kyle: OK, I saw this footage at X06
(22:28:03) Dan: “Will you be their savior, or their final victim?”
(22:28:04) Kyle: I remember it distinctly
(22:28:14) Kyle: So I guess “never before seen” is all relative
(22:28:59) Dan: She sounds soooooo happy to be here!
(22:29:14) Kyle: She looks uncomfortable to be around these “hardcore gamers”
(22:29:33) Dan: I don’t think they do it for the love. I think they do it for the money.
(22:29:53) Kyle: OK, so for a second I thought this was actually gonna be a look at the motion capture process
(22:30:17) Dan: You thought… wrong.
(22:30:25) Kyle: It’s not even funny… it’s just disturbing
(22:31:15) Dan: Oo, who would you rather wine and dine, Kyle?
(22:31:23) Kyle: Um, the Burger King guy?
(22:31:23) Dan: Cortona or BloodRayne?
(22:31:45) Dan: Really. In a choice between a corrupted AI or a vampire you choose the Burger King?
(22:32:12) Kyle: OK, so that was an add for the VGAs…
(22:32:16) Kyle: During the VGAs
(22:32:24) Kyle: It wasn’t even “The VGAs will be right back”
(22:32:31) Kyle: It was just like the old ads, but… a little late
(22:34:07) Kyle: OK, so far I’ve seen ads for Family Guy and the Burger King games
(22:34:21) Dan: Same. And an anti-drug commercial.
(22:34:21) Kyle: and both those games seem integrated into the awards telecast as well.
(22:34:31) Dan: Kyle, DON’T DO DRUGS.
(22:34:40) Kyle: Through the Stewie voice actor and that BK poll thing
(22:34:50) Kyle: Even if I was high I think I would notice that
(22:34:56) Dan: You sure?
(22:35:08) Dan: And we’re back.
(22:35:23) Dan: MySpace Queen and Family Guy Creator.
(22:35:25) Kyle: The Queen of MySpace? I thought it was a democracy
(22:35:37) Dan: That’s a… great combo.
(22:35:49) Kyle: She sounds completely unrehearsed. NOT!
(22:35:57) Dan: Penis Size: 1
(22:36:00) Kyle: That’s the Zack Morris cell phone
(22:36:05) Kyle: Go Saved by the Bell!
(22:36:18) Dan: Note it was sponsored by Verizon.
(22:36:20) Kyle: at least they aren’t repeating the tasteless jokes
(22:36:47) Dan: Oh, I hope Diner Dash wins not having any idea what the award winners are already!
(22:36:58) Dan: Aw, Swat Force won.
(22:37:03) Kyle: Who knew?
(22:37:04) Kyle: Oh yeah
(22:37:06) Kyle: Everyone!
(22:37:47) Dan: Ooo, Sam on video game violence.
(22:37:55) Kyle: Not really…
(22:38:04) Kyle: Violence against games from your girlfriend
(22:38:21) Kyle: Is that the same mocap guy?
(22:38:28) Dan: “I saw you in the shark movie and I know you’re a scientist…”
(22:38:38) Kyle: And scientists know EVERYTHING!
(22:38:59) Dan: Awesome Lobe vs The Boredom Lobe!
(22:39:04) Dan: Men vs Women!
(22:39:09) Kyle: Girls don’t have an awesome lobe… also, they have cooties
(22:39:09) Dan: X vs Y!
(22:39:23) Kyle: an “I’m a bitch and I hate you” lobe? Really?!?!
(22:39:30) Kyle: That’s just demeaning
(22:39:32) Dan: I wonder what he’s playing.
(22:39:52) Kyle: “What do you think of pink?” Have these people ever actually talked to a woman?
(22:39:57) Kyle: The writers I mean
(22:40:04) Dan: Probably not.
(22:40:37) Dan: Dumbass cortex? Please.
(22:41:05) Dan: Samuel L Jackson’s marriage advice. We should be paying for it.
(22:41:23) Kyle: If you find a girl that won’t smash up your systems for being an ass and ignoring her, marry her!
(22:41:50) Dan: All Your Base: 2
(22:41:53) Kyle: Another All your base joke… and he messed it up!
(22:42:57) Kyle: What is with this music? Let the games breathe!
(22:43:21) Kyle: Four crime games and Family Guy for this category.
(22:43:28) Kyle: Nice to see a diverse lineup
(22:43:28) Dan: My roommate just turned it on in the other room to actually watch it.
(22:43:32) Kyle: No!
(22:43:36) Kyle: Didn’t you warn him?
(22:43:38) Dan: I’m kinda saddened.
(22:43:48) Kyle: Didn’t you tell him only trained professionals should be watching?
(22:44:20) Dan: Oh, hey, we missed a tapped acceptance speech. Too bad.
(22:44:32) Dan: Sweet, an Xfire ad within the show.
22:44
(22:45:28) Kyle: Commercial time: PSPs explode from an arcade machine. Cooler than anything in the actual show so far.
(22:49:22) Kyle: And we’re back
(22:49:27) Dan: Hey, a Yellowcard performance.
(22:49:27) Kyle: Yellowcard is gonna own me
(22:49:42) Dan: Wait.. wait
(22:49:49) Dan: They’re not singing.
(22:50:17) Kyle: That’s kind of good actually… last time the songs took up way too much time.
(22:50:25) Kyle: Minesweeper jokes… kind of funny
(22:50:32) Dan: Clover Studio, RIP.
(22:50:32) Kyle: R.I.P. Clover
(22:50:37) Dan: Pour one out, readers.
(22:51:52) Dan: Surprise, CliffyB at a publicity event?
(22:52:13) Kyle: and he’s not talking
(22:52:16) Kyle: yet
(22:52:19) Kyle: there he goes
(22:52:30) Kyle: and now he’s calling us bitches
(22:52:31) Kyle: Whoo!
(22:53:12) Kyle: Where’d Stewie go, who’s this other guy doing voiceovers?
(22:53:47) Kyle: Another world premiere: GRAW2
(22:54:10) Dan: I’m still laughing at the fact that guy’s name was Dana.
(22:54:21) Kyle: They aren’t even gonna show gameplay? Just these CG bullshots?
(22:54:25) Kyle: What a gyp
(22:54:34) Dan: Sweet, FMV that indicates in no way shape or form how the game will look in motion.
(22:54:47) Kyle: I guess it gives a feel for the artistic direction
(22:54:53) Kyle: But it seems pretty disingenuous
(22:55:54) Kyle: Who likes short shorts? Reno 911!
(22:56:05) Dan: They like short shorts!
(22:56:14) Kyle: “The awards that were given out earlier” That is ALL the awards at this point
(22:57:00) Kyle: “Fun things like obey the speed limit and not rob the local convenience store.” This is pretty funny.
(22:57:29) Dan: I want to play the game.
(22:57:33) Kyle: Start timing
(22:58:01) Dan: They’re giving out awards at 55MPH!
(22:58:34) Kyle: Nine awards in 55 seconds
(22:58:50) Kyle: Continuing a proud tradition of squeezing ‘em in
(22:59:11) Kyle: Because really you need to save time for witty banter
(22:59:11) Dan: :O
(22:59:23) Dan: Jack Bauer would totally make a better wingman than Jack Fisher!
(22:59:24) Kyle: Which is what we’re here for
(22:59:56) Kyle: I’m actually kind of impressed with Game Head… these awards could have used some of its class.
(23:00:48) Kyle: Halfway through… any thoughts Dan?
(23:00:58) Dan: Wait… we’re only halfway through?
(23:01:08) Kyle: I know…
(23:01:33) Dan: And I’m not trying to be disingenuous here… I thought it was only an hour long.
(23:01:47) Kyle: No such luck.
(23:02:16) Dan: It really needs more Sam L.
(23:02:41) Kyle: Yeah, for a host he isn’t getting much screen time.
(23:02:51) Dan: The lines he gets are pretty decent compared to the rest of the banter.
(23:03:03) Kyle: He makes them work.
(23:03:29) Kyle: I love that this Call of Duty commercial has an “actual gameplay” sticker on certain scenes
(23:03:38) Dan: Oh, that’s why we haven’t seen him — outfit change.
(23:03:58) Kyle: Oh man, this woman is going to be…
(23:04:01) Kyle: not a woman
(23:04:03) Dan: Now that’s the mocap guy again.
(23:04:08) Kyle: I didn’t type fast enough
(23:04:14) Kyle: They could only hire one extra?
(23:04:38) Dan: Okay, that YouTube joke was great.
(23:04:55) Kyle: Liars. It is not on YouTube!
(23:05:01) Kyle: That would have made the joke even better
(23:05:37) Dan: The View + Mortal Kombat, eh?
(23:05:39) Kyle: What the hell. Was that Rosie O’donnell grafted onto a Mortal Kombat character?
(23:05:50) Dan: It was the hosts of The View.
(23:05:56) Dan: Don’t ask me how I know.
(23:06:28) Kyle: Another TV category with three crime games and Family Guy
(23:06:50) Dan: Oblivion doesn’t even have a cast!
(23:06:58) Kyle: It has voice actors, I guess
(23:07:33) Kyle: Family Guy voices. Whoo!
(23:07:42) Kyle: Hooray for recognizable pop culture references
(23:08:24) Kyle: Michael Irving and Xhibit. They go together like peanut butter and oil.
(23:08:36) Kyle: Uh oh
(23:08:42) Dan: Michael Irvin, because he’s the guy I go to for video game reviews.
(23:08:42) Kyle: I smeel a Wii accident coming
(23:08:49) Kyle: He broke my TV!
(23:08:53) Kyle: Oh wait, it was just a graphic
(23:08:58) Kyle: Man, I was scared for a second
(23:09:01) Dan: Yeah, don’t freak out.
(23:09:31) Kyle: I like identifying the developer and publisher for each of these nominees.
(23:09:53) Kyle: Shows some respect for the makers
(23:09:59) Dan: It does bring a little more credibility to the event.
(23:10:15) Kyle: That’s setting the bar a bit low though
(23:11:02) Kyle: OK, I understand that the celebrity (Tony Hawk) is the one they want talking.
(23:11:09) Kyle: But why aren’t any of the developers up there with him?
(23:11:28) Dan: I’ve always had a problem with that part of the show — the developers should be accepting the awards.
(23:11:37) Kyle: They did earlier… for Diner Dash for instance
(23:11:40) Dan: First look: Afro Samurai.
(23:11:44) Kyle: But if they have a big name they use him/her it seems
(23:11:57) Kyle: Which is OK, I guess… but get the devs up there in the background at least
(23:12:05) Dan: Agreed.
(23:12:32) Kyle: A preview of Afro Samurai is much more important than extra time for some of those nine-awards-in-a-minute games.
(23:12:44) Kyle: Man, the crowd is practically asleep.
(23:13:17) Dan: More Burger King adverts!
(23:13:26) Kyle: They should not show shots of the live audience if they are gonna be that dead.
(23:14:43) Kyle: Xbox 360 ad: I guess they didn’t pay enough to get placement in the show itself.
(23:15:01) Dan: Maybe they didn’t want to be associated with it.
(23:15:42) Kyle: With all these world premieres, I can’t help but think of how all the movie studios use the Oscars to premiere TV trailers for the hot summer movies.
(23:15:55) Kyle: Thing is, those are usually just in the commercial breaks, not integrated into the ceremony itself.
(23:16:12) Kyle: Because the Oscars have some self respect outside of money-grubbing product placement.
(23:16:14) Kyle: of course
(23:17:49) Dan: Putting the kick in kickass
(23:17:52) Dan: AFI
(23:18:29) Kyle: Still not Motley Crue
(23:18:31) Kyle: I approve
(23:19:27) Dan: This is the perfect time for a trip to the fridge or the bathroom.
(23:19:58) Kyle: They’re in Madden or something right?
(23:20:13) Kyle: They couldn’t even introduce them as “From the hit video game: blah blah”
(23:20:24) Dan: Possibly? EA Trax does employ crap bands.
(23:20:24) Kyle: Give it some connection to the subject ostensibly at hand, y’know?
(23:20:54) Dan: I think the show tries to distance themselves from games at the same time they try to associate with gamers.
(23:21:40) Kyle: I would not mind Geoff Keighley hosting these awards
(23:21:56) Kyle: He knows his stuff and he has a good screen presence
(23:21:57) Dan: Kurt Angle did not need to remove his shirt.
(23:22:06) Kyle: Also, Kurt Angle wants to beat him up for no apparent reason
(23:22:16) Dan: Well, he wants a good review score.
(23:22:38) Kyle: Hey, Kurt, keep your shirt on! LOL
(23:22:43) Dan: Normally people make a good game or pay if the game sucks. Kurt Angle will beT you up!
(23:23:24) Dan: Wait, did the Army of Two clip say “What the fuck are you doing?”
(23:23:26) Kyle: First look? All those games have been well known for months now.
(23:23:40) Kyle: and the “new” trailers didn’t show much new at all
(23:23:43) Kyle: I didn’t hear any profanity
(23:23:51) Kyle: WIll check the Tivo later.
(23:23:55) Dan: Okay.
(23:24:14) Kyle: Timing again
(23:25:10) Kyle: Nine awards in FIFTY seconds
(23:25:15) Dan: Oh, a GameTrailers.com ad.
(23:25:21) Dan: I wonder how much that cost.
(23:25:37) Kyle: My fiance: “You’d think some people would actually be interested in these awards they’re speeding through.”
(23:26:25) Dan: Possibly, but that would take away from the advertisements they can slip in to pay for the event.
(23:27:19) Kyle: PS3 ad, always impresses in a sterile kind of way
(23:27:35) Dan: I have a Black Christmas ad going on right now.
(23:27:36) Kyle: No Wii ads yet… I guess they don’t feel the need to preach to the faithful?
(23:30:05) Dan: Jeeze, how many getups does Sam L. Jackson need?
(23:30:25) Kyle: I guess he’s sweating through them quick
(23:30:38) Dan: Hm, you figure this would actually be a good time to mention actual game charities like Child’s Play.
(23:30:54) Kyle: Yeah, but then where would they put the Genesis bikini girl?
(23:31:01) Kyle: Also, I don’t think Child’s Play takes used stuff
(23:31:11) Dan: Get Well Gamers?
(23:31:18) Kyle: *shrug*
(23:31:40) Dan: The audience sounds so dead.
(23:31:51) Dan: Audience interaction is supposed to be when people are the loudest.
(23:31:58) Kyle: Beatboxing the Mario theme, that was kind of cool. Give us more!
(23:32:14) Kyle: Oh look, an AFI song from Madden gets a nomination
(23:32:32) Kyle: I guess introducing them as such earlier would have only highlighted the crass cross-promotion.
(23:33:03) Dan: This section actually has some good nominations.
(23:33:17) Dan: Minus Yellowcard and AFI.
(23:33:27) Kyle: Gee, I wonder what will win
(23:33:44) Dan: Har har, we said Deesnuts!
(23:33:57) Kyle: While playing the PSP. HURR!
(23:34:10) Dan: Wow, Yellowcard won — surprise!
(23:34:51) Kyle: ok, nuts, vaginas, poop, masturbation, bikinis, sex, random cursing…
(23:34:55) Kyle: anything I forgot?
(23:35:03) Dan: Wow, she looks less enthusiastic than anyone else we’ve seen tonight, Kyle.
(23:35:22) Kyle: And that’s saying something
(23:35:26) Dan: It’s quite possible that she could actually be a walking corpse.
(23:35:45) Kyle: Nah, if she were a corpse she’d come back to life
(23:35:51) Kyle: Don’t you watch heroes?
(23:36:13) Dan: Yes, I do, but on Heroes she’s a character.
(23:36:15) Dan: Come on!
(23:36:27) Kyle: Obviously you know nothing about how TV works
(23:36:35) Kyle: They gave her those power so she’d be prepped for the part.
(23:36:37) Kyle: Come on!
(23:36:51) Dan: Was that the second sponsored award?
(23:36:59) Kyle: Being fueled by mountain dew makes this award so much more special
(23:37:09) Kyle: Yes, out of three
(23:37:10) Dan: Verizon and Mountain Dew were the ones I’ve spotted so far.
(23:37:18) Kyle: The gum one too
(23:37:20) Kyle: Stride
(23:37:25) Dan: Ah, right.
(23:37:38) Kyle: At least there are no cars driving on stage with envelopes, as in past years
(23:38:07) Kyle: “It’s an honor to even be mentioned with all the games up there.” Note he did not say it’s an honor to be on this show.
(23:38:24) Dan: Oh, haha, everyone who plays World of Warcraft is a virgin. That’s not a new joke.
(23:38:36) Kyle: New jokes? Are you nuts?!
(23:38:53) Kyle: That acceptance speech actually would have it at a normal awards ceremony.
(23:38:54) Dan: There’s self deprecating humor, and then there is poking fun. This show is definitely engaging in more of the latter.
(23:39:00) Kyle: Which means it was totally out of place tonight.
(23:39:38) Kyle: Yeah, like I said earlier, it feels like they’re trying too hard.
(23:39:56) Kyle: “If we’re in on the joke, that means we can make fun of stereotypes all we want.”
(23:39:59) Kyle: “It’s postmodern!”
(23:41:01) Dan: Yeah, but gamers have been made fun of for too long because it’s been an antisocial activity until recently. I guess it’ll be a few more years before the nerd and virginal jokes stop.
(23:41:33) Kyle: I don’t think they’ll ever stop completely
(23:41:48) Kyle: But the least we could ask for is they stay out of awards ceremonies.
(23:42:13) Dan: yeah.
(23:42:38) Kyle: I mean, I know they’re not really trying to be the Oscars, but even the MTV awards don’t stoop to this level.
(23:42:54) Dan: Another new shirt!
(23:43:12) Kyle: They can project a quiet cool without making so many derogatory jokes.
(23:43:25) Kyle: Sarah Silverman is happy to be at the “nerd awards.”
(23:44:14) Kyle: Wow… gamers over 15 should kill themselves…
(23:44:31) Dan: Wow. I don’t think the audience is really getting her humor.
(23:45:10) Kyle: I know her whole shtick is being ridiculously shocking, but come on.
(23:45:24) Kyle: “Five million PS3s in Africa” to abolish AIDS.
(23:45:47) Kyle: First off, since when did they make that many?
(23:45:52) Kyle: Second of all… no
(23:46:01) Kyle: MFs: 4
(23:46:09) Dan: Thanks for keeping count.
(23:46:15) Dan: The FCC thanks you.
(23:46:25) Kyle: This is cable… the FCC has no control
(23:46:39) Dan: Er, the PTC thanks you.
(23:47:14) Dan: WNBA smack down!
(23:47:14) Kyle: Wow, he’s totally selling these jokes
(23:47:19) Kyle: Total straight face and good timing
(23:47:27) Dan: Best presenter tonight.
(23:47:31) Kyle: He’s totally into it… amazing
(23:47:48) Kyle: Good timing… cuz he can stop time…
(23:47:51) Kyle: Man I love Heroes
(23:48:03) Dan: Me too.
(23:48:29) Dan: Save the cheerleader, save the world.
(23:48:38) Kyle: He just said it!
(23:48:44) Kyle: You’re psychic!
(23:48:54) Dan: Maybe I’m a hero.
(23:49:33) Kyle: “If you thought NBA2K7 was tight, wait until you say NBA2K8.” OK!
(23:49:46) Kyle: Way to use an acceptance speech for an ad.
(23:49:51) Dan: What’s with all the superheroes?
(23:50:02) Kyle: Gamers love superheroes!
(23:50:07) Kyle: Ask any guy in a suit
(23:50:37) Dan: See, I can buy this because I read about his love of Blizzard games prior to this, but you wouldn’t believe it from his speech.
(23:50:41) Kyle: This guy is reading like he has never heard of World of Warcraft.
(23:50:52) Kyle: Maybe he’s just a bad actor
(23:51:07) Dan: The chorus is nice.
(23:51:12) Kyle: Holy crap, they got a choir.
(23:51:48) Kyle: More CG bullshots. Show the game!
(23:53:17) Kyle: OK, that was pretty cool.
(23:53:20) Dan: We’re not prepared! We’re not prepared!
(23:53:22) Kyle: Would have made a great ad.
(23:53:33) Kyle: But did they need to use up two minutes of the actual awards show with it?
(23:54:10) Dan: Probably not.
(23:54:11) Kyle: All that’s left is Game of the Year. Here’s hoping 24: The Game pulls it out
(23:54:34) Dan: I LOVE JACK BAUER!
23:54
(23:55:37) Kyle: This is the fourth ad for VGAs they’ve had DURING THE VGAs
(23:55:53) Kyle: It also promotes some sneaker or something.
(23:56:03) Kyle: The cross-marketing is dizzying.
(23:58:12) Dan: One game to rule them all.
(23:58:16) Dan: One game to be the king.
(23:58:56) Kyle: “Graphics so sweet they gave me diabetes” Good line.
(23:59:12) Kyle: Jackson actually pulled this off without a hitch
(23:59:19) Dan: Oh, totally.
(23:59:29) Dan: He’s great. He really should have been involved more.
(00:01:24) Dan: Oblivion won! I had no idea that would be the Spike VGA GOTY.
(00:01:32) Kyle: Yeah yeah.
(00:01:45) Kyle: The other guys don’t even bother to speak…
(00:01:48) Kyle: They just want to leave!
(00:02:11) Dan: Sam L. Jackson, in your motherfucking base, killing your mother fucking dudes.
(00:02:35) Dan: Words to end by, words to live by.
(00:02:39) Kyle: MFs: A lot
(00:02:46) Kyle: Final thoughts, Dan?
(00:03:33) Dan: It’s gotten bigger over the past few years, but the quality of the show still isn’t there. Hiro from Heroes and Sam L. Jackson were the highlights of the show.
(00:03:42) Kyle: Concept by Albie Hecht… gamers, you know who to blame
(00:04:04) Kyle: Bigger does not equal better
(00:04:45) Kyle: For every step forward, the show seems to take a few back. It’s like it’s caught in a permanent loop of self-deprecation.
(00:05:01) Dan: Hey, they’re replaying it again — want to do this again?
(00:05:20) Dan: I kid, I kid.
(00:05:23) Kyle: HA! No
(00:05:32) Kyle: Well, that wraps up three plus years of blogging
(00:05:42) Kyle: It’s been real
(00:05:47) Kyle: Dan, here’s the keys
(00:05:52) Kyle: Don’t burn the place down while I’m gone
(00:05:55) Dan: Oh, thanks.
(00:06:02) Kyle: The mailman comes at 1:30
(00:06:08) Kyle: Recycling is Wednesdays
(00:06:12) Kyle: And the back door creaks
(00:06:43) Dan: Seriously?! You couldn’t spring for some WD-40?
(00:06:53) Kyle: Not my problem
(00:06:56) Kyle: Later!
(00:07:05) Dan: You’ll be missed, Kyle. Best of luck.

13Dec/060

All Good Things…

(Yes, I’m that much of a dork)

After a lot of soul-searching, I’ve decided to stop contributing regular updates to Video Game Media Watch.

Many of you have no doubt assumed this after months without an word from me, but it was far from a foregone conclusion. Initially, I took a short break from the site during an especially busy week for my freelance responsibilities, secure in the belief that I would return to regular updates later. As the site went longer and longer without an update, though, I found it harder and harder to get back into it. A lack of post ideas wasn’t the problem — there were plenty of issues in the video game journalism space that I wanted to talk about, and there still are, in fact. But there were a few nagging issues getting in my way.

The first was time. Since I decided to start working as a freelancer full time, there has been less and less of it to devote to a lot of things I once loved. Between multiple daily posts for Joystiq, feature articles for the Escapist, and other myriad freelance projects, I often found myself having to squeeze in time for daily VGMWatch posts. That’s not how it should be. Blogging should never be something you feel you’re forced to do, it should be something you’re eager to do. More and more, I realized this wasn’t how I felt about the site.

The second problem is perspective. When I started this site as The Video Game Ombudsman over three years ago, I was a just a random game reviewer for my college paper, screaming at the wind about whatever issues I wanted to from a distinctly outsider perspective. To some, my lack of experience may have been a failing, but I always considered it a strength — a way to avoid the myopia and conflicts that come with the daily grind of games journalism.

Now that I’m doing things full time, I find it harder to muster up that righteous indignation that drove me before. It’s not that I no longer care about the issues I once railed against, or that I’ve sold out to the industry or anything like that. It’s more that my perspective on the issues has become moderated in a way that makes it harder to maintain the voice that I think made VGMWatch great. There may be a place for video game journalism criticism from a more experienced, insider perspective, but I didn’t want Video Game Media Watch to be that place.

After three years and hundreds of posts on the site, I feel I’ve said my piece. Most of the issues that continue to crop up in the game journalism space feel like mere echoes of other issues I’ve already covered ad nauseum. How many times can one person comment on someone else commenting on how much game journalism sucks, or on how the mainstream media got the facts wrong again. The Spike TV Awards are going to be broadcast tomorrow night, but after covering the telecast for three years, I don’t know how much more I can really add to the discussion (Also, someone appears to have beaten me to the liveblogging.)

I’d like to think that VGMWatch has achieved its objective of making game journalists a little more self-conscious and aware of the issues surrounding their profession. I think continuing the sire as a largely independent, mostly-outsider voice in the game journalism space is important. I just feel it’s time for a fresh voice to give that perspective.

So it’s with great price that I introduce Dan Dormer and his team of editors, who will continue to keep VGMWatch up-to-date, hopefully more often than I did. You may remember Dan from news stories on 1up.com and from posts on this very site, such as the liveblogging of MTV’s Xbox 360 unveiling. I’m sure he’ll do a great job continuing the tradition of snraky criticism VGMWatch is known for.

Before you pop the champagne, know that I may continue to contribute to VGMWatch on occasion if a suitable issue presents itself, and I’ll definitely be keeping track of the site, helping behind the scenes in my own way as Dan gets his feet wet.

That’s it, I guess. It’s been a fun ride. I want to thank everyone who linked to it, left a comment, sent an e-mail, or just read a post. I want to thank my momma and baby Jesus for getting me to this point. *Band starts playing theme music* Wait I’m not done. *Music gets louder* Billy Bob, my loyal dog, I love you… *gets dragged off stage by a comically oversized cane*

1Dec/060

VGMWatch Editor Search

As you all know, Kyle Orland has been very busy with several side freelance projects with various game media outlets. As a result, recent updates for VGMWatch.com have unfortunately fallen behind.

VGMWatch.com has wanted to expand its writing team for quite some time now. We’re looking for additional journalists with a keen eye for analyzing the game media business. Candidate writers need not necessarily be members of the mainstream gaming media, but a strong understanding of current video game media affairs is expected. Opinions from every angle of the game media are encouraged. However, VGMWatch.com is an institution largely built on keeping a critical yet fair eye on today’s game media.

Whether you would like to contribute large editorial columns or daily news analysis and commentary, we would love to hear from you. Send us an email at davidg@e-mpire.com if you’re interested in more information. VGMWatch will evaluate each candidate thoroughly.

Thanks for your continuous support. We look forward to hearing from you.

13Nov/060

A Purist Gamer’s Manifesto

Just a quick note: I’d like to welcome you all to check out a provocative editorial published by VGMWatch.com’s sister publication NintendoNow.com.

http://nintendonow.e-mpire.com/index.php?categoryid=6&m_articles_articleid=3955

Among other items, the article argues that polarization of the gaming industry is needed. A resulting culture of healthy debate will ensure the survival and expansion of the gaming industry. The article also challenges elements of the mainstream gaming media and its contribution to fostering an overly “hollywoodized” gaming industry.

Regardless of where you stand, I’d love to hear your comments on this angle of the industry.

2Nov/060

How to be a Game Journalist

Write about games.

2Nov/060

VGMWatch Has a Baby Sister

Folks, say hello to VGMWatch.com’s new sister-publication, VGMNEWS.com. While VGMWatch analyzes the world of the game media, VGMNEWS provides a no-nonsense approach to the latest breaking news from around the industry.

This publication is designed to be a hub for gamers and journalists looking to keep up to speed on all the latest happenings in a fraction of the time it normally takes. A user comment system as well as an archive database will be introduced as well.

More on the basic concept of the publication:

Unabashedly inspired in part by the media formula pioneered by Matt Drudge, VGMNEWS is the number one destination for breaking news in the gaming industry.

What VGMNEWS Offers:

• Minimalist Design provides lightning fast loading times to usher in the up-to-the-minute news stories of the gaming world.

• Updated 24/7 with the latest gaming news from around the world.

• Only the news. No cumbersome graphical glitz, editorial content, or media excess to clog up your news-seeking quest.

• Breaking news stories from the leading gaming media outlets.

• Exclusive investigative reports provided by a dedicated in-house VGMNEWS Team.

No more tedious, time-consuming weeding through countless sluggish game sites to find bits and pieces of the news you care about.

12Oct/060

IGN Plays Dummy Article

I have no recollection of where I found this link, but its existence made me smile when I saw it sitting in my bookmarks today. I hope it does the same for you.

12Oct/060

Battle of the Bully Descriptions

“Is a video game that glorifies bullying suitable for Florida teenagers? A circuit court judge in Miami-Dade County hopes to figure that out this afternoon.”
-Bridget Carey, who has not played the game, in the Miami Herald

“Except — whoops — here’s the thing: It turns out the game doesn’t glorify bullying at all.”
-Clive Thompson, who has played the game, in Wired

(Thanks to Kotaku for pointing me to both articles)

12Oct/060

Competition Diss of the Moment

“Still, this feels more like an opportunity missed than something that demystifies an industry that suffers from more than its fair share of working myths”
-A review of Paid to Play in the latest Edge Magazine (November 206, #168, pg. 22). The issue comes with a 32-page guide to working in the game industry titled Get into Games, which covers many of the same topics.

22Sep/060

Misleading Headline of the Moment

My jaw almost dropped to the floor this morning when my newsreader showed me the Washington Post headline “Sony Cuts Price of PlayStation 3 to $410.” Quickly skimming through for the details, it was not until paragraph four that I realized the story was referring to the Japanese price, and not the North American price (the story has since been updated, but the original version did not make this clear until well into the article).

I know this is a wire story, but any editor worth his salt should really clarify that that $410 in the headline does not mean the system will retail for $410 in the United States. If the clarification doesn’t come in the headline, it should at very least come in the lede, since this is as far as many readers will get before clicking on to some other story.

To be fair the Post posted a Reuters story later in the day with the much clearer headline “Sony cuts PS3 Japan price,” so the mistake could just be chalked up to early morning recklessness (the original story was posted at 1:41 a.m.) Still, as launch details for the next generation of systems continue to leak out, it’s important that we make it clear what region is being discussed, and that details for one region don’t necessarily mean anything for another.

Sorry for the lack of updates this week… various major projects coming together, and I’m preparing to attend the X06 conference in Barcelona next week. Back to the old schedule after that.