Script:

  • SLIMMING DOWN After months of credible rumors Sony finally unveiled the PS3 Slim, a new model that’s 33% lighter, 36% smaller and, most importantly, $100 cheaper than the bulbous old PS3. The new Slim system removes the ability to install the Linux operating system though, drawing protests from the feature’s dedicated fan.
  • Meanwhile, in Britain, Microsoft is reportedly planning to raise the price of the Xbox 360 from 130 pounds to 160 pounds. I know this is due to a weak exchange rate across the pond, but still, someone ought to tell them they’re going in the wrong direction…
  • THE BLOODBATH CONTINUES According to NPD sales data released this week, every single video game system reported a year-over-year sales decline in July. The Wii was particularly hard hit, dipping to its lowest sales rate since systems were in short supply in March 2007. Even so, the Wii still handily outsold every other console on the market this month, so congatulations to Nintendo, the biggest shrinking fish in a smaller-than-ever pond.
  • SURVEY SAYS: YOU SUCK! A survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released this week found that American gamers were more likely than non gamers to be fat and mentally unstable. On the other hand, the same study found the average gamer is now 35 years old, thus proving that GAMES AREN’T JUST FOR KIDS ANYMORE! YAY!
  • MAGICAL MYSTERY SONG: Harmonix this week revealed 19 more songs for their highly anticipated Beatles: Rock Band game leaving the final track as a hidden surprise. The mystery track could be anything, but I’m secretly hoping for “Why Don’t We Do It In the Road.” Classic.
  • LONG LIVE DEAD TREES Future Publishing this week announced a new official magazine devoted exclusively to World of Warcraft. I’d say this would make great bathroom reading for devoted players, but I’m pretty sure most of them are so hooked they’re taking the game with them to the toilet. Ew.
  • TWENTY YEARS AGO this week, the Sega Genesis first hit store shelves. Also 20 years ago this week, I got my first Nintendo Entertainment System for my seventh birthday. Coincidence? I THINK SO!
  • AND FINALLY this week a new Scribblenauts trailer showed Abe Lincoln shooting a giant crab with a mini-gun, which isn’t technically news… or historically accurate… but is definitely cool enough to earn and endlessly looping playback in this space. And that was The Week in Gaming for August 21, 2009.